Why Y’all Mad at Death?

The title is just one of the many profound one-liners Dr. Bre expressed in her workshop Grow Thru Grief last month at the ASHHO Cultural Community Center. I admit I went to the workshop to network. I thought I might meet prospective clients to offer my grief massage services to, or maybe I’d even connect with Dr. Bre herself and embark on a professional relationship where we could refer clients to each other. What I did not expect, one minute into her talk is that I would have tears welling up in my eyes, that I would be so intrigued by what she had to say that I would never even think about “marketing” myself, that I would leave feeling more healed than when I arrived.

All of this was unexpected because I’ve done the work. I’ve been “doing the work” for many years. I’ve finally gotten to a place in my own healing that I feel able to walk with others through their’s. The last thing I expected to hear was grief talked about in a way that I had never heard grief talked about before. I did not expect a 5 minute exercise to take me to a place in my past that I had forgotten about. I certainly did not expect that exercise to then show me that making friends with death is my superpower!

Healing can and often does happen when you least expect it. Healing is not a one and done experience. Healing is personal and communal. When I am in a place of gratitude for and acceptance of my current situation is the time when I experience the most healing. I can’t skip steps. I went into the workshop feeling completely grateful for how far I had come on my healing path. I was in total acceptance that if this was as healed as I would ever be, I would be happy with that and do my best to help others get to that place. I believe it was this acceptance of the present that allowed me to “level up” to a new place of healing I had no idea existed.

One of the first things Dr. Bre said in her introduction was that she loved me. No, she didn’t say it to me personally, but she told a room full of people that she loved them and I believe that she meant it because I felt loved. I am thankful for Dr. Bre and others like her who are willing to talk about death openly, who create sacred spaces for communities to grow, who challenge me with humor and wisdom by asking questions like, “Why y’all mad at death?”.